It’s Wednesday, so I suppose happy hump day.

Monday

Monday was National Coming Out day, and the one year anniversary of my coming out at work which also made it the one year anniversary of me being completely out of the closet.

The closet was particularly hard. I hated the closet. Every day I had to spend in there after starting my transition was a misery. Each day felt like a personal defeat. For a while I’d wondered if I’d ever get the courage to come out or if I’d eventually out myself through accident.

But I did it. And while it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done it is also one of the proudest things I’ve ever done. One year ago, I stood up before everyone on my shift at second ergo on a Sunday, and told everyone there that I am transgender. That took strength.

Up to that moment I had poured so much dread, anxiety, and fear into the anticipation of this act that it kind of took on a gravity of it’s own. It was a giant pit I threw all of this worry in to. I fed it daily with all of the horror of what might happen. How bad could this go. I carried that weight in my heart for 20 months. And, to my amazement, as I stood there and said the words I’d been practicing for months I felt the weight catch in my throat; and then it dropped. It was gone. I shed all of that fear and worry and anxiety and replaced it with a feeling of pure elation.

I was out! Finally out. Beautifully out. I was free.

I carried that weight for 20 months, let it go at a second ergo on a Sunday, and never concerned myself with it again. It was amazing!

And I had spent so much time worrying about the things that could go horribly wrong; how bad things could be I never stopped to consider how gloriously right it could go.

My coworkers have been amazing. Everyone on my shift uses my name and pronouns. They make the effort. I honestly did not anticipate that. I truly believed I’d say my peace and then just be free to be myself regardless of how others treated me but I don’t think I expected to be treated with respect. I have to admit I’m ashamed I didn’t give them the credit.

My coming out at work went well, and for that I am enormously blessed.

I made a post on facebook about it on Monday night. It was an important moment for me and I thought I’d celebrate it and maybe a couple of my coworkers who are friends with me there would like it and then everyone would quickly move on from the day back to the more mundane tasks at hand.

Tuesday

But then last night, at work, a coworker surprised me with a card to congratulate me on my anniversary. And we aren’t even friends on Facebook so I know he didn’t see the post. Apparently he was planning to get me a card for months, knowing the anniversary was coming up. And my Supervisor also wished me a happy anniversary.

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I was dumbfounded, to say the least. I can’t believe they actually remembered, and that was so sweet. I can’t say enough how much that meant to me.

Two other coworkers of mine also congratulated me on one year out last night. I am absolutely touched. I had started the day off feeling low and this lifted my spirits immediately.

Wednesday

So Happy Coming Out day to every queer person out there. And I’m particularly mindful on this holiday about those who are still in the closet. Those who aren’t ready yet.

My heart goes out to each of you. I love you all so much, even though we’ve never met. I know how hard that closet can be, and my heart will sing a song for you until you find the strength! Happy Coming Out Day, especially if you haven’t come out yet.